What really happened to MH370?

Well, it' Saturday AM, it's early, the dog is up and running around and Retired Sorority Girl is nursing a hangover somewhere in Athens after a girls night at an old bar.  In other words, I'm up to early, home alone and don't have anything to do ... so instead of work, let's play the conspiracy theory game.

So what really happened to MH370 - here are is a highly fantastical theory that involves many things that aren't related:

• Years ago, a Russian Ship disappeared near the Seychelles and that ship was carrying "precious" cargo, which was believed to be a new type of nuclear device (which sounds ludicrous but the following bullets are awful so just bare with me)
• A few months ago, a few Navy SEALS were killed aboard the Maersk Alabama in Kenya. Rumor has it they were guarding some cargo that was picked up in the Seychelles and gave off a radioactive signal (my source is some bad reports on CNN and Sky News)
• The two SEAL died due to a respiratory issue, heart attack and heroin.  If you read online (see lots of conspiracy blogs and some strange local newspapers) they state the SEALs were normal people and not drug addicts.  Also reports they were CIA and on a black ops mission ... either way, I've met a few SEALs and they weren't heroin addicts so therefore, I'm going to say all are that way (gotta do widespread stereotypes for fun and accuracy - and yes, mom, that's sarcasm)
• Cargo from the Maersk was onboard MH370 ... if you read this "news outlet", from India maybe, they state that it was a nuclear device that the US capture onboard the plane - http://greatgameindia.wordpress.com/2014/03/16/mh370-mystery-suspicious-cargo-death-of-2-ex-navy-seals-aboard-mv-maersk-alabama/ 
• Many outlets (none of the major US or British) or tabloids state that MH370 was diverted to Diego Garcia where the cargo was taken by the US government and then destroyed.  
• Now, how the plan was diverted and who took it down is still a mystery, but I love the theory where the 20 people from the engineering firm where actually CIA operatives led by the ex-SAS New Zealand solider (guy who left his ring and watch for his wife in case he didn't make it back).  They then wore masks, changed the altitude of the plane which caused the rest of the passengers to pass out, fall into a coma and quietly die. Tons of movies have this theory and I suppose it could have happen. I kinda wish it was more like the last Batman where Bane and some others hijack the plane in mid-air from a C-130.
• The other theory, which seems much more plausible, is that the 777 features an auto-pilot that can be leveraged from another location ... aka, remote flying. Which, sounds very James Bond, but if you research fly by wire, it is a new technology that is available on these planes.  Which is curious why Boeing is not talking ...
• Once the cargo and passengers were in Diego Garcia, they were disposed and the plane was then broken down, tied to submarines and dumped in the deepest part of the Pacific Ocean where no one will really find it. 
• And according to that news outlet in India, the nuclear device was recently detonated in White Sands, New Mexico ... thus ending the threat. 
• There are a lot of reports that the GRU, Russian Intelligence, was tracking all of this and has records of the flight / our capture of it.  Oh and plus tons of great blogs that make up random things.  Some even have connect this story to the sinking of the Korean Ferry and the fight in the Ukraine. 

Tons of weird stories, but here's my thoughts b/c I'm bored and no one reads this blog so I'm safe to ramble out loud: 

• I'm not a conspiracy theory type, but someone has this plane.  A military group (or potentially terrorist) took the plane 
• If terrorist took it and its a test run, then why would they claim responsibility? Who's to say they, or Iran, didn't hack Boeing's fly by wire and countries like China, Russia and the US are freaking out a bit and trying to sort out the issue. 
• And what better place to take a plane ... the only place in the world where the local air defense are a joke and the corrupt governments can be easily paid off.
• Back to Russia ... their government hates POTUS and his puppets and if they had info that we took the plane, then they would share it.  Valdy is empire creating and would shame us as quickly as possible.  
• Same with China ... if they had real proof we did it, then they would say the same. They have no love for POTUS and his puppets either.

So what really happened? I don't think we will know for 100 years.  This will be an Argo-esque oscar award winning movie that Ben Affleck's grand kids will produce once the files are de-classified.